Husband and Wife Roles. What’s your line?
It seems today that you can find a lot of differences of opinion on this topic. You have your baby boomers and X generations who have more of an old school view that the husband is supposed to go to work and make the money while the wife stays at home. Then you have the millennials, who lets be real, we are kind of trying to almost completely reverse this. Why can’t we end up with a happy medium? I thought it would be helpful for you to hear from my husbands point of view on how he sees his role as the husband.
My role as the husband.
The beauty and joy of marriage is the individualism of two people coming together as one. Even more so, when a married couple finds other married couples to live life with.
April and I have a handful of married couple friends that we talk to on a regular. These couples actually know our personal lives. What I’ve come to realize is every marriage is different. The roles of the husbands and wives are not consistent across the board. In my marriage, I’m not super good with scheduling and planning, but April is. I gladly hand those tasks over to her. My buddy, however, is almost OCD with his schedule, so he runs the calendar in his household. I’m fairly quiet so I’d rather April handle the conversations with strangers. In other marriages I’ve seen the men dominate every conversation, from strangers to family.
My role as husband varies depending on the season of life we’re in. Back in 2014, when April and I made the move to Southern California, I for some reason reverted back to adolescence and couldn’t handle any kind of financial responsibilities. April handled things. Here recently, we’ve moved again, and I am the one spearheading the financial responsibilities.
Flexibility is one of the roles I carry as a husband. The longer April and I are married, the more we’ve changed for the better. I can no longer speak to her the way I would have spoken early on in our marriage. I can no longer foolishly spend money. She can no longer walk me through certain things that I dealt with back in 2014. As we change together, I’ve learned that certain things are not set in stone, and I must be ok with that. With that knowledge, flexibility is a must, and it’s a trait I’ve learned to love. Gotta love those spontaneous date nights baby!
No matter how difficult things may get between April and I, honor has become a staple in our marriage, and it’s another role I take on as the husband. Honor isn’t just a respectful admiration. Honor in the Gaddis household looks a lot like protection, gentleness, honesty, and love. This is a role that I’m humbly working through. Sometimes conversations get sideways. In those moments, she doesn’t need me to overrule her with my booming voice, but she needs a humble husband that honors her. My role is to honor my wife by laying down my life – literally. Not in a passive, weak way, but in a humble, gentle way. When April knows she’s honored correctly, that allows her to be free and secure. When she knows there’s freedom and security, then my job is complete.
Often times random mishaps happen; the car breaks down, we lose a job, one of us gets sick, lack of finances, etc. April needs me to be proactive in these situations. We’re learning together to “hope for the best and expect the worst.” This eliminates the element of surprise when difficult things happen, and it also creates room for great joy when blessings land in our lap. I can recall many a situation where April made me aware of an important upcoming event. Of course, I ignored her, chalking it up to her being OCD. As a result, my failure to plan has left me planning to fail EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. My role as husband is to live in a constant state of proactiveness – thinking /planning ahead while honoring April in the present.
Never allow another married couple to speak insecurity over you because your relationship looks completely different than theirs.
If your husband is a soft hearted man like me, maybe these tips might encourage him to love his role. The weight of our culture has grown to embrace differences, but we’re still not there yet. Baby steps!
For more tips from the husband you can check out my blog New Years Resolutions | A Husbands Point of View.
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